railing against the dying of my twenties...or not

If there's anything that living in NYC teaches you, it's that you're constantly living on borrowed time. Whatever you might be into, have fun now. In six months, that thing may very well be ov-ah. It isn't only things...neighborhoods, clubs, restaurants, magazines, even people here have the shelf life of skim milk. Hell, the city itself was declared done a couple of years back. And in the insular, youth-driven world of journalism, if you haven't got a corner office and an expense account by 30, you might as well hang it up. At least it seems that way...seriously, when was the last time you heard the phrase "30-year-old whiz kid?" Exactly.

I'm writing this as my 20's literally pass me by. It's 10:30 at night, the night before my 30th birthday. This isn't some panicked, "oh god! i'm old! i'm gonna die!!" type post. It would make more sense if it was. I've (sorta) made my peace with this whole thing a long time ago. It's just that I don't feel like a thirty-year-old. At all. I don't think like a thirty-year-old. And, for better or worse, I sure as hell don't look like a thirty-year-old. All of which are good things. I know people who've been forty their whole lives. I used to be one of them. But life is too short, and I've had to learn the hard way over the years just how young and stupid I really was, even in the midst of my Type A-ness. (Isn't that the funny thing about maturity, the way it sneaks up on you? ;) )

I thought that things would be different. I thought I'd be a lot more...settled. I can't call it, and I'm not gonna try to. I had a lot of fun...a lot of fun. I've also made a lot of mistakes and I've learned a lot from them over the last decade. Honestly? There were a couple of really hellish years in there. But I feel like I'm in a really good place now, and I could not have gotten here without going through all of that. As trite as it sounds, I leave my twenties a wiser, smarter, stronger person than I was when I entered. I'm grateful for every single one of my experiences during my 20's. Even the ones that sucked. I wouldn't be here without them. So, I say to my 20's...goodbye, and thanks for the memories. Now get the fuck outta here.