friends, old and new

"some ni**as recognize light, they can't handle the glare..." -- Common


Another confession: I have yet to fully recover from the 4th. 'Cuz I'm old. I pride myself on steering clear of the Brooklyn party scene, relatively speaking. I'll hit the bars every once in a while, and I'm pretty much always down for a house party, but the words "guest list" and "cover charge" usually poison any party plans. Which might explain how I ended up at a house party in Jersey City (!!!) with one of my best friends from college, tore up on jungle juice at 3am with a bunch of fellow Hoos. It was the most fun I've had out in a while, and when we stumbled into my apartment just before sunrise, I smiled and thought, "this is gonna HURT in the morning."

I was right. My homegirl woke up at 11, snarked on the episode of "Bridezillas" I was watching and conked right back out. I followed 15 minutes later. We finally headed out to brunch around three after waiting in vain for the boyfriend to join us (he got home even later than we did). I thought that, after months of short phone calls and e-mails that usually contain the words "I'm soooo busy" we would finally get a chance to really catch up on life one-on-one. I got all that, and more. Among other things, I was shocked to hear that she no longer spoke to the girls she practically had attached to her hip all through school, and as she casually discussed the end of her friendships, I started thinking about the price some people pay for being themselves. Some people, like my friend, were born to stand out. That's just the way she is. She can't help people being naturally drawn to her any more than Van Gogh could help being good with a paintbrush. What I didn't realize is that some people hate that shit. Or, more to the point, some people envy that shit. I've been working on not being an introvert since college, and while I do wish I possessed some of her effortless ease around others, the fact that I don't doesn't keep me up at night. However, I've noticed that some people can't handle that and slowly, that envy curdles into anger. More often than not, it's directed at that same person who did nothing more than possess something they don't.

Some would call it good, old-fashioned hateration and leave it at that. Having been a victim of this as well, I know how much it hurts to have someone you value as a friend attack you out of envy. It's painful and unbelievably unfair, and sometimes you feel like it was somehow your fault. It's an experience that corrodes you, as you find yourself holding back parts of your personality, dimming a bit of your personal shine so some can feel more comfortable. To which I say, fuck that! I threw conformity out the window the day I graduated high school. 12 years ago. I am so thankful I don't have to hold myself back to my friends, that I can let my geek flag fly without feeling shame or ridicule. It's nice, but it's also a damn shame that we're almost 30 and we're still finding out who our friends are.